Hello friends, how are you today?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and yesterday I was re-energized into why I am doing this.
I had a phone call with a friend, who is going through a very hard time. I won’t go into details because it is her story to tell. But I relate to her about her current journey so much, and yet our stories are so very different. It brings me back to the point I’ve made before that everyone’s story is different, and one person’s personal experience shouldn’t make how you feel as though your’s is any less than how you feel about it. Talking to her yesterday really made me feel the impact of why domestic violence is important to talk about. It’s important to talk about red flags, it’s important to not shame those who have been through trauma for not seeing the signs and flags sooner. Remember, those who are experiencing trauma are often wearing rose-coloured glasses. There are no red flags with rose coloured glasses, they are just simply flags. But most importantly, you need to remember that your story is just as important as another’s. Your story is not any harder, or any better than the person next to you. Comparison will get us no where. it is okay to recount your story, but don‘t ever compare yours to someone else’s, and think that they’ve got their life together. We all experience trauma, and we all are allowed to feel the hurt, grief and pain associated with it.
My heart hurts for those going through trauma. My heart hurts for those going through domestic violence, because I know how hard it is to overcome all of those things. I know how hard it is to embrace those painful memories. It becomes so easy for us to just ignore them and say we will deal with them at a later date. It becomes so easy to be complacent in our healing, until the pressure cooker explodes and we have no choice but to deal with it.
I just mentioned that it is hard to embrace those painful memories, and that’s what I recommend to anyone dealing with trauma to do. Embrace them. Like I said, its so easy to ignore them and deal with them later. The more we ignore them, the bigger they become and the harder they are to tackle. They then take over our lives. They then control us. Everything we say, everything we do is controlled by that trauma. We do not have to live like that. We don’t have to live in the shadows of fear and trauma. We can step out into the light and embrace everything in life, the good and the bad, and we can embrace the beauty of every single one of life’s experiences.
I know, i know. It’s easier for me to say these things because I am not in the thick of it. But I can tell you from experience that it does get better. In the midst of it all, I wanted to run and hide, and just go back to the way I was before, and be the girl I was before all of the abuse and trauma.
But reality hits like a ton of bricks sometimes.
What I am going to say next, I say with the biggest amount of love I can muster, and I hope those of you reading do not take it the wrong way, so please bear with me for a minute:
You are never going to be able to be who you were before the abuse/trauma.
There. I said it. I always wanted to go back to how I was before the abuse. The reality is, that is never going to happen. I have lived through that, I have survived the abuse, and I know I can’t change it. I can’t change it for me, and I can’t change it for you.
I can’t just go and say “bippity, boppity, boo”
And have it POOF! Disappear from our lives.
As much as I love fairy tales and all things Disney, things like that don’t happen in real life, as much as I would love for that to be true.
What I can do is help those of you who have been, or are going through it, and tell you that it will get better.
I say these things as your harsh dose of reality, but with the most amount of love I can muster up. Tough love sometimes hurts. I said above to embrace the trauma, and I mean, embrace it to make you more powerful. I said above that you can’t change it, and you aren’t going to be the person you were before... But you will be better.
Embracing your trauma, is going to prepare you and make you more vigilant in the future. Embracing the difficult times is going to make you stronger. It’s going to make you better. It’s going to make your daughters, and your sons better because you will be able to teach them, and you are going to be able to show them true unconditional love and how to treat their future partners, and why it’s so important to love those around you, but to ultimately love yourself.
You’re not going to be the person you were, because you are meant to be better.
If you can: stop. Take a step back. Look at everything you’ve been through. Guess what? You’re still here. You’re still standing (even if it feels like just barely at times). You’ve made it through some of the hardest days. You’re on the up swing.
A phone call with a friend got me thinking; it reiterated the reason I am doing this, the reason I am sharing my story. I want to help people. I want people to see that it is okay not be okay, and that even though you might not be okay now, it is not going to be like this forever.
I want you to see that your story is not any less deserving of the pain and / or grief you feel. I want people see these posts and realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That the days aren’t always going to be so dark and dreary. The sun will come out, and it’s going to be beautiful.
Keep your chins up lovelies.
Keep looking for the ways to turn life to lemonade. The days will get better.
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